Stephen had been dragged to another Sanhedrin Council meeting and was questioned about his teachings.  ”Are these things so?”  Actually, men from the Synagogue of the Freedmen had induced men to lie about Stephen.  Before the high priest and all the Council, Stephen retraced the path of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Joshua, David, Solomon and all the way back to the Creator.

Filled with the Spirit, Stephen called them “stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears.”  Gnashing of teeth that will be heard in hell by those who reject Jesus was practiced right then and there.  And, it led to Stephen being stoned to death.

With my Bible in my hand, I pondered Stephen’s childhood.  His impressive knowledge of the Bible surely didn’t happen overnight.  Did he set at his mother’s feet to hear the wonders of God passed down by word of mouth?  Was he bounced on his grandmother’s knee as she sang the praises of her God from generation to generation?  Did his dad share stories in the field?  Surely it was all these and then some hours in the temple of his own accord.

Stephen did not just know the stories.  He knew Jesus!  He was acquainted with the Holy Spirit and His filling.  He was willing to suffer, even to death, for Christ.

Then my thoughts turned to this wilderness wanderer of 40 some years, the formative years of our sons.  My heart was broken again.  Yet, God’s grace has redeemed the wasted years.  To His precious name be glory and honor!

So where was this pondering going?  It had to end in a prayer for the mommies and daddies whose children are today in their formative years, and to the Nana and Papaw who have occasion to invest in those babies.

Teach us Lord to number our days and to train up our children in the way they should go.  Psalm 90:12 and Proverbs 22:6

It was a time I will never forget.  The room was perfect.  The view was majestic.  The staff was welcoming.  And God showed up.

I was free to sleep or study or pray on my time schedule.  But, there was a plan on paper that I might maximize the dollars and the time.

What was not on paper was the wakeup, like any ‘ole night, where a thought turns to wide-eyed fear.  There it was, staring me in the face.  I’m on retreat, ok?!  Very different from other startling wake-ups, I said, “Lord, I need to deal with this thing.  Help me.”

If I had been at home, the scene would have played out like this:  potty, computer, check Facebook, mail accounts, news reports, fall back into bed an hour or so later exhausted.  But “retreat” has drawn me to draw near to God.  No TV.  No radio.  No computer.

For the retreat:  I had a put-off/put-on list that I might readily be directed to a new way of walking.  That big list just got condensed to a list of ten things I needed to deal with triggered by the fearful wake-up.  At my desk, I began a word study on fear / worry, that I might agree with God, after inviting His Spirit to come cleanse me.

Somehow I ended up with Noah and the flood and his ability to keep building the ark with no distraction by the hard hearts around him or how he would gather the animals.  His was to trust!  I was journaling Scripture, confessing, actually littering the throne room when I looked out the window and the horizon was coming into view.  From 3:40 a.m. to this predawn moment was like a glimmer.  My spirit was being settled by the Word of God.

As I gazed out the window at the faintness of light, something seemed to rise in that picture.  It was sandpits on the golf course.  These pits stirred a strange feeling in the darkness.  My camera could not capture the eerieness of that scene.  But then the sun came up.

The Pits in the Light

Just as the daylight painted a beautiful picture of pits framed in glorious green with a backdrop of magnificent developing fall colors, so it is when the Light of the World speaks into a circumstance.

My startled wake-up had turned to rejoicing and I was singing in my spirit, “How Great is Our God.”  Then I sang aloud!  And returned to bed. 

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?”  Psalm 27:1

“O send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me; let them bring me to Your holy hill and to Your dwelling places.”  Psalm 43:3

There were revelations far beyond expectations and … expectations was dealt with before the Lord.

One resolution was to be more diligent to encourage family and friends.  At the beginning of the year, not in February, not even in March did a Family Reunion enter my thoughts.  Yet, in June as we gathered, one year olds to 80 year olds were encouraged and happy to be together. 

Spontaneity is good; at my age, I’m believing intentional is better.  So my resolutions for 2012 have grown in number and bullets following each one.

This year, I have added categories:  spiritual, personal, physical, relational.  I don’t expect to keep a daily chart on success, but I do have plans for a mid-year evaluation that I may not have a 10-20% completion.

A Proverb says that man plans and God directs.  ”So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

With His help and my surrender, 2012 could be a banner year!  Blessings on yours as well!

As my prayers became more open / frank, I found myself often concerned with expectations of others.  It was as though I was wandering the wilderness rattling some dry bones!

July was when I really came to grip with the problem.  God had been using His stories from the Bible to speak to me about me.  Yes, I had misplaced-misdirected-unmet expectations.  That was not the problem.  The problem was me.  I had forsaken daily time with the Lord.  My prayers were neither fervent nor effective.  To agree with God that my walk was kinda self-centered, to put it mildly, has been freeing, knowing that confessed is forgiven.

But the exclamation point to all this came during a sermon on October 30.  As we were going through a series on the Holy Spirit, the youth pastor’s message was “The Goal Keeper.”  Romans 8 was his reference point about the believers groanings and the Holy Spirit’s groanings (also Creation groanings).

When he tied my “frank” prayers to God’s heart (that I be conformed to Christ’s image) with the groanings of the Holy Spirit, wellll, I had my own private service in pew on the back row.  It was a sweet moment!

No.  We’re not dealing with physical suffering or financial struggling, but wilderness wandering.  You know that pastor even said, “don’t be clouded by life.”  Day 2 in my journal:  “I will not let “life” get in the way of daily time with You.”

Have I arrived?  No!  But I am awake and watching expectantly for the Lord.  I have experienced a reviving / a fresh encounter with God.  He is at work in me.  May I be a willing vessel for the work of God in my life.  He is worthy!

“And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.”  Romans 8:26-27

“You’re Sleeping” ~ age will not stand in the way of seeking God with all my heart.  “Life” will not get in the way of daily time with the Lord.

“Wake Up” ~ watch for God to open the heaven; daily listen / watch / see; and pray for revival.

“Open Your Eyes” ~ check my intimacy vitals (pray:  open and frank, expect answers); listen early in the morning, chew on what I hear.

“Rend Your Heart” ~ watch for messengers; may I see my sin as offensive and deal aggressively with it; be willing to experience reviving.

“Bend the Knees” ~ know the Word … study; pray.

As I’m working my way through the Bible this year and my journal, it was evident that sporadic had drowned the daily.  Sadly, daily was trashed with anger.

You see, I had unmet expectations in this second retirement of my husband.  Remember now, if you’ve been following these posts, this is not about my husband.  I know couples who have their quiet time together and then apart and I longed for … yup, expected that might happen for us.  It did not. 

Day 25, July 29 journal entry:  “Father, the one good thing that has happened this week … the last few days … I have identified my cold state … my fumbling relationship with You.  Of course, it was me:  not shutting the closet door, not even going to the closet.”  After a very frank session before the Lord, “I repent of expectations …”

Those expectations!  Eve had high expectations as she bit the apple; David had high expectations as he called Uriah from the battlefield; Zechariah had high expectations as he prayed; Lydia had high expectations as she sat by the river worshipping; story after story.  Expectations can be problematic unless you are expecting, even watching to see Jesus.

Yes! I had let anger be the cold water on my daily time with the Lover of my soul!  God has called me back to Himself!  I am forgiven:  past, present, future!  I have said, “Yes, Lord!  I want to see you afresh daily!  

“And now, Lord, for what do I wait?  My hope (expectation) is in You.”  Psalm 39:7

Children who have spent one or two years at VBS or in Sunday School can quote this verse.  It comes alive when believers just turn the pages daily.

Twice since July, the unequal yoking Scripture has fallen in my lap.  It was a timely light for my path.  I will try to condense the story around this, but not to the point that I lose the significance of God lighting our path / my path.

I received an invitation to participate in a nationwide prayer gathering electronically.  Sounded good; so I signed up.  Then I began to hear that false teachers were involved at the leadership rung.  This “locking arms” between Christians and false teachers has been a battleground in my mind now for a couple of years. 

It’s Day 23 on July 27 in my Revival Journal and Ezra, Chapter 9, is speaking softly and then more intensely:  “The people of Israel and the priests and the Levites have not separated themselves from the peoples of the lands, according to their abominations ….” The holy race intermingled (in marriage) … the princes and rulers were foremost in this unfaithfulness.  Ezra, hearing this news, tore his garment and his robe and pulled some of the hair from his head and beard.  Ezra was appalled.

I cannot imagine pulling my thinning hair from my head but I could feel Ezra’s heart.    How is it that professing Christians want to join with / lock arms with / share a platform with false teachers?  My opinion of these false teachers is based on their words, their websites and their ways expressed in video that do not conform to the gospel of Christ.

Matthew Henry’s Commentary words it this way:  “The Israelites intermingled in business, conversation and then marriage.  In doing so, they took on — let in — their abominations.  Because of their unfaithfulness they came under the sword, into captivity and were plundered.  Those who didn’t make the ‘unfaithful decision – disobedient walk’ were affected and for a long time following.”

Twice recently, I have bowed out of commitments for this very reason.  Under the sword is not a comfortable place, guilty or innocent.  May God forgive me for confusing signals that I have missed!  May God forgive us as a nation!

Scripture, time and again, warns:

Do not be yoked in a binding relationship with unbelievers … even to come under that influence.  II Corinthians 6:14

Watch out for false prophets; they are ferocious.  Matthew 7:15

Hear these powerful words:  “And many false prophets will arise, and will mislead many.  And because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold.  But the one who endures to the end, he shall be saved.”  Jesus said in Matthew 24:11-14

I want to see the Lord!

There is a blog coming that needed permission to share the story.  “Permission” required that I share my journal with my husband.  I prefaced the reading aloud to him with great caution.   “Whatever you hear, even your name, is not about you.  It’s about me and God.”  “Your name is going to come up … just keep listening.”  Under my breath I am praying.  Even so, I’m not sharing a thing he doesn’t already know.  He has, after all, lived with this stinky sheep for almost forty-six years!

My husband is driving; I’m reading.  The prayer I’m reading was written just after our forty-fifth anniversary.  I was really being “frank” with God.  Only hours before the journaling entry, I had discovered a missing rug.  By man’s measure, it was just a rug.  By our purse standards, it was a jewel.  I stewed and sputtered all over my man.  In the heat of the moment, one of our two-year olds called and said, “Happy Anniversary!”

Remember, frankness was on the radar.  Reflecting a Presence-radiance was also a desire of my heart.  I was called out by the telephone interruption of a two-year old.   God saw my selfishness and responded in compassion as only He can.  Well wishes came throughout the day of our anniversary.   As I glanced over at the driver, my husband,  hearing all the ugly again from the pages, I saw him grinning.  He’s a good man; sweet continuing revelation.

In that same journaling session, I made note of having read about Abraham and Sarah … when God told Abraham to “hearken to her voice.”  I’m reading still as we drive:  “I laughed under my breath and then conviction came … I voice too many ‘hearkens’ for Vergil … especially on the highway.  Father, forgive my condescending ways.”

 Are your prayers open and frank?  They don’t have to be shared with anyone but God.  And if you ask him to show you to you (me to me), He will!  If you trust Him to be your gentle Shepherd, that’s exactly how He will come to you.  Let the sheep-like ugly become lamb-like sweet!

“Make me know Thy ways, O Lord; teach me Thy paths.”  Psalm 25:4

As I have been reviewing Reflect 2010 and Resolve 2011, this journal which is following ”I Saw the Lord Journal … 40 Days to Personal Revival” would, of course, be personal.  It is a journey from You’re Sleeping, Wake Up, Open Your Eyes, Rend Your Heart, Bend Your Knees, etc.

Chapter three was entitled, Open Your Eyes, and Day 11 was the story of Moses from Exodus 33:12-17.  Moses and God were having a very personal conversation; actually, I would call it a very intimate conversation.  Intimate to the point that Moses could be frank with God and expect to be lovingly taught.  This is significant! 

When we read the Bible, it’s more than a story; it’s the redemption story that is dipped in sacrifice and laden with life-changing power.  It is the opportunity to see me before a holy God, but a loving Father who wants me to follow His gentle leading.  Just a side note:  Jesus read it and quoted it … the Bible! 

Back to Exodus 33.  God told Moses twice that He knew him by name.  We know from Psalm 139 that He knows our thoughts, knows all about us.  Soooo, I was drawn to check my vitals: my signs of intimacy, my frankness, my expectations of answers, even my watchfulness.  I came up short.  Those things that the Lord knew and knows about me … that intimacy vitals check … broke my heart.

My prayer has been, “God, open my eyes to know my vitals as You read them.”

I pray now, with Moses, “If you are pleased with me, teach me Your ways so I may know You.  This nation [day / family / circumstance] is Yours.  I want to see You!”

My Revival Journal

Make note:  this was a 40-day journey and would probably be so for most people.  However, at this date I am on Day 38!  You know what?  I just learned that I am not a senior until age 75.  Though that makes me a boomer, let’s say that I have senior tendencies.  I move slow and I’m easily distracted.  

So, I started my journey through these selected Scriptures and at the end of every four days, would review my responses and make note of commitments.

Let’s go back for a minute to this Boomer / Senior Generation thought.  Day 1 in the journal started with Josiah’s story in II Chronicles 34 … he reigned in Jerusalem 31 years from age 8.  He was a young man who was not handicapped by age … so why should I be handicapped from the upper level of the aging scale!  My response on Day 1 in my 2011 journal was “Father, help me in old age to do what is right, to be found faithful to You, to purge all that offends you.”  Now, in November I am seated in Nashville learning that I am boomer and an elder woman of God is ticked with my generation. 

This is why I love journaling.  I can go back and trace God’s hand.  We / I want to trace His hand forward.  We do not have that privilege.  God is moving heaven and earth to accomplish His purposes and to change me.  Is that why He said “shhhh be still; wait on the Lord.”

Josiah did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, not turning to the right or to the left.  That has been my challenge this year, to know the eyes of the Lord are on me, but also to see Him! 

Just as Bartimaeus heard Jesus say to him, “What do you want Me to do for you?”  And Bartimaeus said, “Lord, I want to regain my sight.”  May we regain our sight and glorify God! (Luke 18: 41)

We carried our coffee and strawberry pudding to the shaded deck; watched the birds come in for their last feeding of the day and listened to their song as they played in the tree.  The sun set as we chatted.  It was delightful to share stories over strawberry pudding … a first for some.

The men were left on the deck while the ladies returned inside for their sharing and prayer.  It was such a sweet time as each acknowledged the majesty of our Lord.  How could we not!  It had been a glorious evening.

Some prayers were offered with heavy hearts and some were bathed in tears.  And isn’t that what prayer is all about:  telling God what He knows about our needs and reminding Him that we know who He is.

Then, this morning, I was reminded that God is eternal.  He is forever King.  He had no beginning.  He has no end.  Time has no hold on Him.  Creator God called up the first tree from dry ground.  He calls some to be 10 ft. tall, some 100 ft. tall and some are more than 300 ft. tall.  A young tree can be broken in a storm or a large tree uprooted by tornados.  This God opens the storehouse of wind and rain.

This same God formed the tear and heard them fall down the cheeks of His Son.  He has promised to wipe away our tears, but collects them now in His bottle.

Some people tonight are needing an exit.  Our God knows about exits.  He made a way for millions to cross the forging river, but on dry land, and then swallowed up their pursuers in the forging waters as they entered the promised land.  Our God watched and all heaven rejoiced as Jesus exited the womb of Mary.  Jesus has welcomed many saints home as they exited this temporary dwelling place.

How big is God?  Bigger than any prayer need from a heavy heart and those bathed in tears as they are uttered.

Our God is Alpha and Omega and the soon coming King.  He rules forever by His power.  Praise Him!